New Year, Same Feelings

So...hi everyone, it's been some time. College is going great! I just had an amazing experience this past weekend (9/16). I was given the chance to emcee the family weekend talent show with an amazing girl by my side, Scout Miller. It was such a fun time and I loved every minute of it! Overall junior year has given me nothing but the best and I don't miss much about home. If anything I think I am learning that the beautiful people I get to be with on a daily basis are home. It sounds weird to say, but when the dorms aren't home and I'm not in Saint Louis much anymore, the people are home. So to my Warrensburg family (anyone who has supported me), thank you for making me feel so loved everyday! Thank goodness I have these people because this whole past weekend I have also been struggling since hearing the news in Saint Louis. The decision in the murder trial of a former Saint Louis Police Officer, Jason Stockley, has left myself and many others at a loss for words. Months ago I began writing a song after crazy world issues were going on and it started like this; "I didn't have to turn the TV on to hear of all the news that's going wrong. I've always held hope in humanity but that feeling is draining from me now." ​I just feel sad, upset, disappointed, and want to help but feel helpless. Here are some of my thoughts and they are not right or wrong, they are just my thoughts. So racism is a problem. That's undeniable and I feel like until everyone can say that, we will always have a problem. It's not something to be embarrassed by if you are willing to become educated, empathize, and advocate. Since it is an obvious issue, when racist events arise, as someone who is white, it is important to hear out the opposite side. I am not saying violent protesting, rioting, and looting is okay, but can we see why this stuff is happening. Let's be willing to find the underlying issue. Open dialogue within our communities is so so important. If we can openly talk abut how we feel and how to help, that seems like a good start to a better tomorrow. Be open. Come across as a kind and caring soul. People are always struggling. If you see something that is wrong, in a cafe line, at the grocery store, in a classroom, or a city hall meeting, for goodness sake, SAY SOMETHING. "That is not okay." "We will not tolerate that." It is likely other people in the vicinity are thinking the same thing, and the person who is being targeted will surely appreciate you speaking up. This all seems so simple and that is why I struggle so much to understand why this is such a big problem. I credit a lot of the issues to our so called president. He has sparked hatred and it's spreading like wildfire. I don't care what anyone says or who they support. If you are the President of the United States, act like it. We've all been affected by bullying, whether we've been a victim, or bystander. Why are we letting this person bully hundreds of thousands of people in the "United States?" Right now it's feeling more like the "divided states." As far as what is going on in STL right now, it's a nightmare. The breaking of shop windows, violence, and yelling is too much. I know there is also so much good trying to combat the bad, but one broken window, one broken heart - that's one too many. I don't know, I feel like these thing hit me hard, and I feel more when events similar to these happen. I spend my days wishing I had an answer, I wonder if anyone else feels this bad about it, and I hope we can be better, because deep down I know we are better. We each have a light in us that keeps us going, let's positively ignite one another's spark and cause an explosion of love and understanding. Onward to the hopeful part of this blog post. Many people know that I am Jewish and am proud of that. I am no stranger to hate, anti semitism and all that awful stuff. That is why this new year means so much to me. For those of you who do not know, IT IS THE JEWISH NEW YEAR!!! L'CHAIM! MAZELS ON ANOTHER YEAR! We made it. The new year, Rosh Hashanah, means "head of the new year." Our head contains our brain, our thoughts, the thoughts we have create our actions. That is why this year, I want to fill my mind with positive thoughts and ideas because that will set the pace for my year. One of the coolest moments of Rosh Hashanah is the sounds of the Shofar. It is a ram's horn that is blown on the high holy days (played like a trumpet). It is a wake up call, a reminder to look inward and reflect on that past year. It calls us to worship, and is something that almost everyone can hear every year from any part of the world with a Jewish community. There is also a ceremony called Tahlich, that involves bread crumbs and a body of water, basically symbolizing throwing our sins (crumbs) into the water. Most of the day is spent in temple, praying that G-d is able to give all of his creations a sweet new year. To symbolize the sweetness many people eat or give out apples and honey. It is a great time of year and beautiful transition into fall. The most holy day of the year, Yom Kippur, the day of atonement. On this day we are the closest to G-d and the most raw parts of our souls. “For on this day He will forgive you, to purify you, that you be cleansed from all your sins before G‑d" (Leviticus 16:30). The entire day is spent in temple, we do not eat or drink for the day. Time is spent asking and praying for forgiveness for the hurt we may have caused in the past year. As solemn as the day can be, it is ended with a sounding of the shofar, a breaking of the fast, and the feeling of being immersed in prayer and reflection is a good feeling. It is like a recharge for me. I am really looking forward to services this year and being surrounded by my Jewish family. I am hoping to be able to do a lot of genuine reflection and brainstorming on how I am going to make my year better. I am always open to talking with anyone who is interested and wanting to learn more. Thank you guys again for taking the time to read this blog. It means so much that people care about what I have to say, Todah Rabah (thank you), and Shanah Toavh (Happy New Year)!!