The next chapter, best in crowded places

Well it’s a nice Wednesday afternoon in Kansas City. Overcast, in the 70s and people are out walking, walking dogs and enjoying life, so it seems. I have really been trying to enjoy and embrace my new life in KC. I’m sure if you’re reading this, you follow my journey. If you’re totally out of the loop, allow me to catch you up to speed.

Thursday May 23rd I moved to KC for a job with a news station. The start of a dream that I can’t quite find the words to explain so I’m going where the waves of life push me for now. I am a firm believer that things work out as they should if you keep working to do what you can to better yourself.

Anyway, I’m here, a new place, new people, new everything. Really, I have been treated overly well by friends and complete strangers. The good in humanity has totally shown its rays on me these past few weeks and I couldn’t be more thankful.

But there are moments in life where no matter how good things are working out for you, no matter how kind and caring people, you still feel at a loss. I think that’s sort of me right now. I have had many evenings where I just want to go home and resort back to my old ways. I know that is no way for me to grow. In these moments I have to remind myself this is just part of life and I have to be mentally stronger than the feelings and voices in my head. So far I have been, I’m still in KC. That doesn't mean it’s been easy. I reflect back to about four years ago beginning college and getting similar feelings.

Look at me now, I have grown and gained more than I could have imagined because I stayed, worked hard and had an enthusiasm about my future. So those same characteristics I will continue in this new chapter of my life, after all I am the driver and I choose what I want, how to get there and my reactions to it all along the way.

My friend Hannah had a tremendous quote in her senior column for her university paper that I remind myself often, “There’s one big explanation as to why I’m not sad to graduate: Every stage of my life has been better than the last, and I have no reason to believe that this pattern will end any time soon.” (To read her whole piece check out the Bradley Scout!)

So to finally share my main point and inspiration for this post. Being in crowded places when we feel lonely. The idea sparked last night because I was watching Songland and one of the contestant’s song was called “Crowded Places.” The idea that she hated being lonely at home so she’d go to crowded places. I totally feel this. I try to go to parks, coffee shops, or just walk around grocery stores so I feel a little less alone on the hard days. That usually helps cure the loneliness for the time being.

Lonely, by definition in the Merriam-Webster dictionary is, a: being without company b: cut off from others. Now I can be dramatic and by no means am I cut off from people, but most of us have heard and maybe even felt, being lonely in a room full of people. Feelings come and go and sometimes THEY SUCK. So here I am just working through the lonely feelings.

I think another one of my problems is the absence of writing and journalism. I love the newsroom I’m in and getting to be surrounded by kind and talented people, but I’m getting the itch to chase stories again. The more I get to know the area, I think I’m just going to have to find stories and write them for my sanity. Maybe one will resonate with the right person and I’ll get my break. For now I will work hard allowing emotions to come and go, working hard in the position I’m in and working hard to keep talking to people. Because after all, people will help me grow here.