Happiness, like the sun, will always come again tomorrow
"Happiness is something that comes into our lives through doors we don't even remember leaving open." -Rose Lane
What a beautiful quote. I had to read it two or three times before it resonated fully. I have had such incredible moments of happiness and so unexpectedly. I've also had some of the most authentic moments because I decided to leave my comfort zone, because I decided to stay. Live for something other than the overpowering "enemy thoughts."
(Above: Me in one of the most pure states of happiness at a some home goods store.)
I don't even think we realized today was World Suicide Prevention Day, but just this past Sunday my friend and I were talking about why it is that people are "so shocked" when someone self harms, or kills themselves. We talked about ways we have to do better as friends, as a community.
It sparked a small flame in me and I wanted to blog about it but didn't feel like I had enough to say. For some reason the inspiration has grown more into a bonfire and hopefully the warmth of my words can help someone or inspire them to write their thoughts out.
I guess I'll begin with one thing that I have been guilty of and feel like so many others are too, a common feeling when someone does put out a "cry for help." "Oh they just want attention." YES. Yes they do, and maybe they need it. It really doesn't take much to ask what's wrong and try to get a conversation going.
I believe we, alone, cannot save someone. But we can aid in encouraging them to realize they can help themselves. Now I say try, because there are people who put out that cry but then refuse to say anything if you reach out. Is it frustrating? Absolutely. But you don't need to give up. Let it go for the time being (unless you believe they are in serious danger). Maybe the following day or later in the week, check back in with them. Because while they still may not want to talk it out, the small act of following up and showing that you care, you remember, you see them, makes a bigger difference than we might think.
I know one of the most difficult suicides for me to even attempt to understand was Robin Williams'. Quite a few times a month I wonder what he'd be doing today, what other movies he would've starred in and shared his talents with us. It sucks, a lot. He was a legendary one.
I faintly see myself in him. A goofy, care-free, happy, naive spirit. But I've also have felt the seemingly endless sadness and in fact was okay being there. Sometimes it's easier to feel bad for ourselves and hope others join us in the pity party, but the truth is, that is RIDICULOUS. You have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and be your own loud, crazy and honest coach.
I don't how many of y'all did sports, or even had a PE coach that just yelled and yelled to keep going. Yeah, they may have sounded crazy, but in the big motion picture of life, YOU HAVE TO. Yell at yourself, get yourself up with the sun, live again because while there are slivers of life that feel like you're being buried alive, there are also moments of ecstasy.
There are those nights we can't even believe could have ever happened to us. There's new music to be listened to, ice cream cones to be finished, stormy Sunday mornings to be slept in to. There are sunsets and sunrises that will continue to awe us, puppies that want to love us unconditionally, friendships and relationships that will teach us, that will better us. And most of all, untouched magic that we have to be hopeful is always coming.
While the unknown is an absolutely terrifying thought, believe me, I've gone through so much change in the last four months, and it feels like sometimes, permanently avoiding it all together is a more comfortable act, you want to know what is so, so brave? Living through the lows because the lower the low, you best believe that high will carry you up so far you just may never come down.
Stay. Live a little more each day, each week. Wake up, feel the warm sun rays and let that fill you with hope for a better day. If it's raining, stand outside in it and just let it wash over you, splash your anger out in the puddles and feel something other than the sadness for a bit.
Also, look out for a friend this week, next week and the following. Look out for yourself too. If you're hurting or just need a venting session, reach out to a friend and just talk. It's not selfish, it's human. This world can feel like a dumpster truck on fire, but that too will pass. :)
Let me be clear, I couldn't have "preached all this" without going through some pretty low times, making it out of the ruts and seeing all the people who cared and the beauty that is in this world. So believe me, I've been there and one day hope to tell my story in full. For now I ask that you trust me when I say, I know it gets better. Therefor, please join me in hope for a better tomorrow.
Thank you for reading my words. I'll say this was probably one of my favorite and most proud posts because I am so passionate about sharing the good and learning to believe you are good enough. If you need help or just a listening ear, I am always hear and love hearing stories of adversity, and even if you're not to your turning point, let's just talk and I'll walk beside you and we'll get you up that temporary mountain.
Love always,
E
